What a week for mail! Just this morning, for example, we learned we’d won the Spanish Lottery. The €850,000 prize that’s waiting for us would put a lot of gas in the tank, even at today’s prices. Then we remembered we’ve never bought a ticket for the Spanish Lottery. Too bad.
We also heard from Dr. James Calu. He heads the senate committee on foreign contract awards and payments in Abuja, Nigeria. He’s holding an $18.5 million contract overpayment and needs our urgent help to deal with it. Imagine our luck.
The miraculously named Dr. Godwill Okeke, Nigeria’s pay master general (nice work if you can get it), wrote to say his country’s president had ordered a payment to our bank account of all outstanding sums owed to us. We’re thankful for the word of Godwill, although the same message from our actual paymaster would have been truly heaven-sent.
Augustin Egona was very kind, too, offering to help us out of a jam we didn’t know we were in. “Following your inability to meet the necessary financial obligations which are mandatory for the release of your funds, the presidency in its magnanimity has approved $2.6 m through ATM swift Debite card.” We don’t hold any Debite cards, although they sound tasty enough.
And let’s see. How about a 100% risk-free business opportunity from Fabric & Textile Trading Company, London UK? We can’t disclose the company’s sensitive information. But it seems they’d like us to handle some overseas payments, for which we’ll reap a 15% commission. Judging by the number of zeroes they’ve mentioned, it’s big money. Mr. Brian James, the company’s director of trading, says “this is a permanent job for anyone who is interested in earning extra income without stress.” Yup, that’s us.
We wonder if the aforementioned Brian James is related to William James? The latter also wrote, saying, “I have a business worth $10m, I want you to assist me with investment, Reply me back.” Will do.
And finally this week, we heard from Jim Harry Esq. Jim says he’s a legal practitioner with Harry McCullagh & Co. Surprisingly, a firm by that name has a one-page website, although its address is not in London, as our correspondent Jim Harry says, but in Cork, Ireland. Anyway, London Jim says he found our profile very interesting. And on that basis he’d like us to handle a transfer of £12,800,000.00. We’re glad we made such a good impression on Jim.
Well, that’s some of this week’s mail. While none of it mentions the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act — and all of it asks for our banking details — it reminds us again why the FCPA matters.
Enjoy the weekend.